


James Potter and the Gryffindor Prince Charming

by melblue



Series: Harry Potter Next Generation Series [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexuality, Friendship, Harry Potter Next Generation, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:55:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6265042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melblue/pseuds/melblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Potter thought that he knew himself thoroughly – but it turned out that Fabian Smith could still turn his world upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a companion piece to my other story ‘Albus Potter and the Slytherin Fairy Princess’. It flows on from Chapter 16 of AP&SFP. They interweave so this possibly won’t make much sense without reading that story.

James Potter knew he’d led a charmed life so far. He’d excelled at pretty much everything he’d put his hand to and, on top of that, he could honestly say that he’d managed to avoid getting a swelled head about it as well.

He was a good student, not brilliant but solid; he was popular and had a great set of friends. He’d kept out of trouble enough to end up as Hogwart’s Head Boy and he liked to think that the rest of the student body felt that they could talk to him if they needed to. As for his future prospects, he’d been lucky to inherit his parent’s skill at Quidditch and he was pretty sure that he’d get offers from both the teams they’d played for when the scouting season started in a few weeks time.

He even liked the way he looked. He was tall; he was athletic; his reddish brown hair was nether too red nor too brown and he’d inherited his father’s green eyes, including their sparkle. All of this meant that when he’d finally started to find girls interesting he’d found it pretty easy to score himself his first girlfriend. True, breaking up with Kirsty had been painful, it had hurt a lot, but he’d eventually got over it and moved on, and he was fairly proud that they’d managed to stay pretty good friends.

So, all in all, life had been a smooth ride. He had no complaints.

He had to admit, though, that this year there had been a couple of hiccups. Firstly his Quidditch team had started dropping like flies. It had started when he’d lost Martin Creevey; he’d never really liked Creevey but it had to be acknowledged that he’d been a bloody good chaser for the Gryffindor team. Losing Simon Crimshaw was a bigger blow though. Yeah he’d been an excellent beater but he’d also had leadership qualities and James had been grooming him to take over as Captain for the following year.

He’d got Hugo and Fabian as replacements, which was great, but Hugo had never played in competition Quidditch before and Fabian had warned James that he was rusty. They’d both need some heavy training and Gryffindor was currently languishing in third place on the points tally. Still, there were four matches left to go in the season and they could catch up to Slytherin and Ravenclaw if they worked hard.

And then there was Jane. Somehow the last few times they’d gone out together, it hadn’t gone too well. They hadn’t argued but James had found himself thinking of other things and he was pretty sure that Jane had been a bit bored as well. They just didn’t seem to click together the way they’d used to and James was starting to think that maybe he’d be better off ending the year with a fresh start as a single man. Particularly as Jane was starting to drop hints that she was thinking about studying in America next year. She’d tentatively suggested that he look at playing for an American team if he could, but James knew that he wasn’t really interested in doing that. The American Quidditch league was far too small.

So, the whole situation with his brother Albus and Scorpius Malfoy had been a rather enjoyable distraction. The rumour that Simon had started about them had annoyed him, but he knew himself well enough to admit that the thought of pushing his brother into a corner was too much fun to miss. So, he and Fabian had come up with their crazy plan and steamrolled Al and Scorpius into going along with it.

After the excitement of all the tricks they’d pulled on Martin Creevey, it actually looked like this was going to be another interesting week, and James was still grinning to himself about it as he followed Fabian out of the Slytherin 6th year dorm. They stopped off in the common room to tell Rose and Al’s other friends about the plan and then they finally escaped the rather gloomy Slytherin dungeons. Honestly, James wondered how someone as fond of the outdoors as Al was could stand it, but there were quite a few things about his Slytherin brother that James didn’t always understand.

“So, what now?” he asked Fabian as they ambled along the corridor to the main stairs.

Fabian turned and looked at him and James’ heart sank at the sombre look on his face. It was unusual for Fabian to look like that, usually his blue eyes sparkled with good humour and mischief, and it made James realise that giving up Scorpius had been harder for Fabian than he’d let on. He was, after all, a damned good actor – he’d originally given up Quidditch for the Drama Club – and he’d already been accepted into next year’s class at the Wizarding Academy of Dramatic Arts in London.

“Firewhiskey on the old Astronomy tower?” Fabian suggested and James gave him an agreeing nod.

“I’ll fetch the cloak,” he said.

* * *

They used the invisibility cloak to sneak up to the old tower. This had once been the astronomy tower but the year before a new tower had appeared at Hogwart’s and the Astronomy classes had transferred over to its better facilities. This meant that the old tower was usually deserted, except for the occasional snogging couple, and James didn’t know how he did it, but Fabian usually had a bottle or two of firewhiskey stashed up there somewhere.

Being late January, the tower was fairly chilly and therefore empty. Fabian fetched a bottle from his hiding place behind one of the stones in the wall and they found a sheltered space to sit, wrapping themselves in the cloak with a nice warming charm for extra comfort.

James figured they must look odd, two heads hovering in the air with no bodies attached, but fortunately there was no one else there to see it. He took the glass Fabian offered him and studied his companion as Fabian filled his own glass. In the moonlight, Fabian’s face was pale and his eyes appeared more grey than blue. His shoulder-length black hair looked even darker than usual and even though he’d tied it back into a short ponytail it looked like an inky stain around his face.

“What shall we drink to?” James asked.

“Hmmm,” Fabian pondered, and then, to James’ relief, he grinned. “Rumour-mongering. For once being the instigator and not the subject.”

James laughed, touched his glass to Fabian’s and drank. The firewhiskey sent a warm trail down his throat that spread through his stomach to eventually reach his extremities. He loved that feeling that came with firewhiskey – it was a kind of warm, glowing euphoria.

Beside him, Fabian sighed.

“You really liked him, didn’t you?” James asked before he could think better of it and stop himself. “Scorpius, I mean.”

“Yeah, I know who you meant,” Fabian replied. “And yeah, I did. I think I could have fallen for him, you know, if we’d had more time. I think it’s better this way, though. After all, we would have been separated next year anyway. Damn, he’s hot though, and half the allure was that he doesn’t even know it. Terribly sweet, too.”

“You don’t think he might have been _too_ sweet for you, though?” James asked curiously. It was something he’d wondered about Fabian’s interest in Scorpius before.

Fabian frowned at him as he topped up their glasses. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” James said thoughtfully. “I really like Scorpius, he’s a lovely guy, but he’s not the most outgoing person. I think he’s outgoing enough for Albus, and Albus will help to bring him out even more. But you? Well, you’re another level of crazy. Don’t you think that you might have got bored eventually, or that Scorpius might have ended up feeling overwhelmed?”

Fabian stared at James for a long moment, and he couldn’t see for sure in the dim light but James was pretty certain he was being glared at. He shrugged and tried to look apologetic.

“Fuck you, James,” Fabian eventually said, but there was a note of humour in his voice that James was relieved to hear. “You have the worst sense of timing for your words of wisdom out of anyone I know. Don’t you realize that this is the time for wallowing? This is the time for sympathy not common sense. Don’t ruin my pity party, thank you very much, or you can bugger off and find your own whiskey.”

James laughed and waved a hand at Fabian in as regal a fashion as he could. “Oh, sorry,” he said. “Wallow away as much as you like.”

“Thank you,” Fabian said with fake gratitude. “Your permission means the world to me in my hour of need.”

“There, there,” James said, patting Fabian’s knee. “You’ll be all right.”

“I shall remember this, James,” Fabian assured him. “For next time _you’re_ in the middle of a maudlin moment.”

James thought about Jane and sighed. “That might come sooner than you think.”

“Oh?”

“Just… you know… Jane,” James replied. “I have a feeling our relationship is going nowhere.”

“Well, have you talked to her about it?” Fabian asked.

James took another sip of his whiskey, relishing its smooth taste and comforting warmth. Fabian certainly knew how to choose well when it came to firewhiskey.

“No,” he said. “Not yet, but I’ll have to soon, I know.”

Fabian nudged him with his elbow.

“Quite a pair, aren’t we,” he said, and James nodded his agreement.

The moon rose higher as they continued to drink, flooding the top of the tower with a pale glow that made everything look slightly washed out.

“Funny to think,” Fabian broke the silence with what sounded like a slightly slurred voice and James eyed him expectantly.

“Funny to think what?” he asked, after Fabian continued to stare absently into space.

“Oh,” Fabian turned to look at him with a smile. “Funny to think that in a few weeks we’ll be leaving Hogwarts. I’m looking forward to Wada but I’ll miss it here all the same. Life will be… different.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’ll be living in London,” James replied.

“That’s the idea,” Fabian said. “And you’ll be out in the wind and rain, training your arse off. But are you going to live at home as you start your glorious Quidditch career?”

“Don’t jinx it, you idiot, I haven’t got onto a team yet. And I hadn’t thought much about where I’d live… well, I originally thought that maybe with Jane… but she might be somewhere else…” James fell silent, well aware that he’d been kind of babbling. Also, he was pretty sure his toes were going numb. He haphazardly renewed the warming charm and sensed Fabian jerk slightly beside him.

“Merlin, James,” he swore. “A little warning next time, or at least a little more finesse. I think you may have burnt all the hair off my legs and it’s not a look I would choose, thank you very much.”

“Sorry,” James grinned. “Might be a little tipsy.”

“Sodding twat,” Fabian said fondly and they smiled at each other for a moment.

James’ eyes lingered on Fabian’s face and he couldn’t help thinking that Fabian looked stunning in the moonlight. He’d always thought Fabian was handsome but at this moment the light seemed to glow from his skin and his eyes seemed to sparkle in the moonlight.

“Huh?” he said, suddenly becoming aware that Fabian had been talking.

“I said, you deaf twit, that I’d thought of asking if maybe you and Jane might like to share a place with me in London. That way we could get something larger… but if she’s not going to be with you… well, on the other hand, you still might like to live in London anyway. What do you think?”

“Huh?” James repeated.

“Honestly, I’ll get you a sobering potion if you don’t start paying attention,” Fabian sniped. “I asked if you’d like to share a place together in London? It’ll be easier for me going to Wada, and you’d have to apparate to a practice ground wherever you were, and London could be a lot of fun, particularly if we’re _both_ going to be single.”

“Yeah,” James smiled. “That does sound good.”

Their eyes met again and held, and some sort of shiver of warmth went through James’ body. It didn’t feel like a warming charm, more like a spark of electricity that seemed to come from Fabian’s eyes. James blinked, noted that Fabian was starting to look puzzled, but he couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward, moving closer.

His eyes dropped to Fabian’s lips. They were slightly parted, full and inviting, and James suddenly wanted nothing more than to press his own against them.

So, he did.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kissing Fabian turned out to be a bit of a revelation.

James had to admit that at first it had felt a bit odd. Fabian had been completely still, frozen with what James realised was probably a considerable amount of surprise. He ended up frozen himself, wondering what he was doing, as he just rested his lips against Fabian’s, not sure if he wanted to pull away or if he wanted Fabian to pull away. But a moment later he felt and heard Fabian’s soft gasp and then they were both moving and all of his doubt just seemed to drain away.

And from that moment on it was just… wonderful. Fabian’s lips were soft but firm and at first the kiss was slow and almost tentative, until James parted his own lips and snuck his tongue out to taste. Fabian gasped again, and suddenly he was pushing forward, his hands locking on James’ arms and his tongue pushing into James’ mouth, and James was lost.

There was something a little wild and a little fierce about the way Fabian was kissing him. He wasn’t holding back and James wrapped an arm around Fabian’s shoulders and gave back as good as he got.

A long moment passed, a moment where James did not think, he just felt, revelling in every moment, feeling something build inside him until he couldn’t contain it anymore and he moaned; whispered Fabian’s name against his lips and tried to dive in once more.

But Fabian had gone still again, and James felt his hands slip from his arms and slide around to his chest as he pushed James gently, but firmly, away.

“What the hell are you doing, James?”

James blinked and felt his face begin to flush with embarrassment as the arousal he had to acknowledge he’d been feeling drained away and utter confusion at what he’d just done took its place. At least Fabian didn’t sound angry, just bewildered.

“I really don’t think I want to be your drunken cheating experiment, James,” Fabian continued. “I’ve been down that path before and I’m not going that way again.”

“What?” James gaped. “No… no it’s not like that… I didn’t mean…” He faltered into confused silence and Fabian looked away, staring out across the rooftops of the castle.

“Well then, what is it like?” he asked softly. “What _did_ you mean?”

James struggled to find a clear thought in his head. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. How had he gone from just sitting in comfortable companionship with one of his best friends to launching himself at that friend like a man starved?

“How did this happen?” he whispered to himself, but Fabian obviously heard him because he turned back to look at James. His eyes gleamed in the dark but his expression was as closed off as James had ever seen him.

“You kissed me, _that’s_ how it happened,” Fabian said in a flat voice.

“I’m sorry,” James blurted, guilt flooding him. “Please don’t hate me.”

As James’ blush of embarrassment deepened and he heard Fabian sigh, he really wished that the sobering potion that Fabian had mentioned earlier was in his hand at that moment. His head was spinning, for various reasons, and he felt as if he was navigating through a minefield that he’d laid himself… and then, in a fit of stupidity, lost the map.

“I’m not going to hate you,” Fabian finally said, and the relief of it slightly cleared James’ mind. “But, to be honest, I’m sick of falling for boys I can’t have so I would really appreciate knowing what’s going on in your head. You’ve never shown any interest in men and now you’re throwing yourself at one. Are things really that bad with Jane that you’ve completely lost your mind?”

Fabian sounded bewildered and, perhaps, hurt, which only made James feel even guiltier, but the mention of Jane’s name sent him into another headspin.

“Oh, Merlin, what have I done?” he whispered, and followed it up with a hiccup as he buried his head in his hands.

“All right, now you’re getting melodramatic, James,” Fabian said. He sounded amused and when James looked up, there was a slight smile on his face. “There’s no need for it. Obviously you might have some things to sort out with Jane but as far as tonight goes, you got drunk and made a mistake. It happens to all of us at one time or another.”

James blinked. Fabian seemed to have gone from curious and confused to amused and dismissive in a split second, but in his befuddled state he couldn’t be sure exactly how their conversation had flowed.

“Fabian, I’m sorry…” he began, but he stopped when Fabian shook his head.

“I told you, I’m not angry with you,” he said, firmly. “You’ve apologised and that’s enough. And… I’ll apologise for… er… going along with it there for a minute. I suppose I’m a bit drunk too,” he gave James another amused look and James returned it with a tentative smile.

Fabian suddenly stood up, his body reappearing as the cloak slipped from his shoulders. He held out a hand to James, and hauled him upright when James took it.

“We’ll just forget about it, yeah,” he said softly, and James nodded, still with the feeling as if he was trying to catch up with what had just happened.

“Still friends?” he finally managed to ask, trying to ignore the choked up sensation in his throat and the sudden impulse he felt to just rest his head on Fabian’s shoulder. Really, what on earth was wrong with him?

Fabian laughed. “Yeah, you idiot,” he said. “But I think we’ve had enough tonight. Time to go.”

Fabian returned the bottle to its hiding place and they both huddled under the cloak as they made their way back to Gryffindor tower. James deliberately kept his mind blank as they walked and it wasn’t until he was in his four-poster with the curtains drawn around him that he finally acknowledged that one thought was nagging at him.

Fabian had said that they should forget what had happened… but James wasn’t entirely sure that he could – or wanted to.

* * *

Waking up was horrible. His head pounded and his mouth felt as if he’d been eating dust. As soon as he opened his bed curtains the sunlight streaming in through the window seemed to stab into his eyes. He flopped back on the bed and groaned.

“Not feeling too good?” A familiar voice asked and James felt something land on the bed beside him. He opened his eyes and gazed at the small bottle on his bed with bewildered delight.

“Where did you get this?” he breathed, as he pulled out the cork and took a small sip. His head cleared immediately from what was obviously a top-grade Hangover potion.

“Ask no questions,” Fabian replied, smiling down at him.

And that was when it hit him. There was no escaping the memory of what had happened the night before and, to his horror, James felt himself beginning to blush. He swallowed heavily as he stared up at Fabian, remembering with infuriating detail exactly how his lips had felt against James’ own, the sound of the low gasps he’d made, and the strength of his hands gripping James’ arms.

Fabian returned the look and James could see the warning wariness in his eyes.

“Don’t… we’re forgetting, remember?” he said, and followed it up with a grimace, “That sounded ridiculous.”

Thankfully it had been ridiculous enough to break James out of the spell he’d been lost in, and he laughed, ignoring the way something in his chest tightened with what felt like disappointment when he saw the relief in Fabian’s eyes.

And that was bad, he told himself, as he stood under the hot shower a few minutes later. He’d come close to cheating on his girlfriend, and it had been with one of his best mates. Someone he didn’t want to lose.

And on top of that, why Fabian? Why a guy? He was pretty certain that he’d never felt any attraction for a guy before and it was confusing to feel it now. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he’d always thought he’d known himself, known who he was and what he wanted. He’d just liked girls, he was sure he _still_ liked them. But did he like guys now as well, or was it just Fabian?

Still, he decided as he got dressed, it wasn’t like it really mattered because Fabian had made it pretty clear that he wasn’t interested in James, aside from that momentary drunken lapse when they’d kissed… and James still had Jane to face.

As he made his way down to the common room James found himself wishing for another dose of Hangover potion.

He didn’t see Jane until breakfast in the Great Hall when he spotted her sitting with a group of her girlfriends. She simply gave him a short wave so he sat with his Quidditch team and tried to concentrate on talking Quidditch, which was hard to do with Fabian sitting beside him. His mood improved at the sight of Adrian Bole hexed to look like a blushing bride but by the time he got to his first class – Care of Magical Creatures – he was profoundly grateful that Fabian wasn’t in it.

Unfortunately Jane was, and James found himself struggling to think of anything to say to her. All the time, in the back of his mind, his thoughts were full of what he’d done and eventually she noticed his state of distraction.

“What are you doing?” she whispered. “You do realise that some of this lesson will probably be in our Newts, don’t you? And you do remember that we’ll be taking those Newts in just a few short weeks?”

James nodded miserably and she frowned at him. Sometimes she reminded him just a little too much of Aunt Hermione.

“You’re not feeling ill, are you?”

“Bit of a headache,” he finally whispered. She gave him a sympathetic smile and, after a few moments, gave up on him to go and join her girlfriends.

With no distraction and unable to concentrate on the class, James found that he couldn’t stop thinking about ‘that incident’ as he was starting to call it in his head. He’d always enjoyed spending time with Fabian, and he could admit that he’d always thought him handsome, but he’d never thought about kissing him before. Or kissing any boy for that matter.

But maybe, he wondered, he’d just never thought about it because the opportunity had never really been there before… and maybe there were other boys that he would find attractive if the opportunity arose again.

He found himself trying to surreptitiously examine his male classmates just to see if his theory could be right. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed when he found that he wasn’t even remotely interested in any of them.

But in his next class, Charms, with Ravenclaw, he found himself staring at one of the Ravenclaw boys and he knew that he wouldn’t mind finding himself having ‘an incident’ with him as well. Unfortunately he was sitting beside Jane (with Fabian across the aisle) when he had that revelation and James couldn’t stop himself from dropping his head onto the desk.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Jane practically hissed and James sat up again and gave her what he felt was a transparently guilty look. Thankfully she didn’t seem to notice.

“Nothing,” he whispered, and oh Merlin, he was really going to have to do something about this… and he had a terrible feeling that it was going to involve some unpleasant talking with Jane.

Because when he looked over at Fabian and saw him studiously ignoring both he and Jane, James knew that, for him, that kiss had meant more than he’d thought it had and if he was to lose one of them… he didn’t want it to be Fabian.

* * *

 

He couldn’t help it. That evening he avoided the Common Room and Jane and Fabian and everyone else, and almost got told off by Albus for spying on the Slytherin Quidditch practice, when really all he’d been doing was mooching around the equipment shed, trying not to think about anything at all.

After that, he was tempted to miss dinner, but in the end hunger got the better of him, and he made it through the meal by pretending to read his Magical Creatures textbook.

He wanted to talk to someone but there was only one person he really wanted to talk to about the whole thing and that was Fabian, which just made him feel even more guilty than he already did. Jane was his girlfriend for Merlin’s sake, and he’d really thought at one time that they had a future together. He’d pictured them living together in London, going out together, really enjoying themselves, and now it all just felt flat. True, it had felt that way before he’d kissed Fabian, before he’d had this sudden confusing revelation of bisexuality (and he was almost eighteen, he thought, surely he should have figured _that_ out before now) but now he couldn’t imagine living with her. It was over, and he was going to have to find a way to tell her.

He went to bed early.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the week was a confusing muddle… and he was pretty sure he’d have a lot of lesson work to catch up with when he finally got his mind back. It was almost impossible to concentrate in class. Whenever he saw Jane he felt guilty. Whenever he saw Fabian he felt guilty. And one or both of them were in all of his classes and he was getting pretty sick of feeling guilty all of the time. Aside from that, his newfound discovery that he was also interested in boys led to an almost obsessive habit of finding out just how many boys he’d only subconsciously noticed before and could now openly acknowledge to himself that he found attractive. All in all it meant that he fell woefully behind in everything.

He wasn’t getting much sleep either as most of the night his mind seemed to whirl in repetitive circles constantly. It was frustrating and exhausting.

His only relief was Quidditch practice because, even though he was tired, it would have taken a seismic event to distract James when he was playing Quidditch and he had a couple of new team members to get into shape.

He even ran an extra practice just for Hugo and Fabian and was rather relieved when he got through it without embarrassing himself. Of course, that was until he ran into Fabian in the equipment shed afterwards.

He stood in the doorway, watching Fabian clean his broom, until Fabian finally looked up at him curiously.

“I’m sure the door-frame can hold itself up, James,” Fabian said, smiling slightly. “And if it can’t, I wouldn’t recommend being under it when it falls. That’s a solid oak beam, you know.”

James smiled back. “I know,” he said, and wandered into the shed.

“So far I’ve counted seventeen boys that I’d happily shag,” he announced. “A lot more girls, but still… seventeen boys.”

Fabian was very still for a long moment and James’ heart thudded in his chest as he wondered if he’d really totally lost his sanity and why he’d begun this habit of just blurting things out to Fabian Smith.

“And why are you telling me this?” Fabian finally asked. He was concentrating on his broom again and James found himself wishing that he could see the expression in his eyes.

_'I have no idea_ ,' James thought, but eventually he said, “The other night you wanted to know what was going on in my head.”

“And then I changed my mind,” Fabian replied. “And then we agreed to forget the whole thing.”

“Why?” James asked, and when Fabian shot him an incredulous look he elaborated, “I meant, why did you change your mind? At first you were curious and then suddenly you didn’t want to know.”

“I still don’t,” Fabian said quietly, as he stood and put his broom into his locker. “I told you, James. I’m not getting involved with someone who is already with someone else and who I can’t have. I’m done with that.”

“But just talking…” James began, but he stopped when Fabian held up a hand.

“So, we decide to talk,” Fabian said. “What do we talk about? Maybe you’re going through a phase-“

“It’s really not a phase-“

“All right then, you think you’re bisexual,” Fabian continued. “You want to talk about it, you want to explore it and one thing leads to another. Or we talk about your relationship, you’re having problems with her blah blah blah, one thing leads to another. I’ve been down that road before and I got burnt, James. And everyone knew about it. Then there was Scorpius, and what do you know? He’s interested in someone else as well. I’ve pretty much given up on boarding school romance, James, because obviously I’m bloody useless at it. I’m just waiting to hit the clubs in London.”

James chewed his bottom lip, trying to ignore the anxiety rising in his stomach.

“You said we were still friends,” he finally said.

“We are, James, we are,” Fabian replied. “But that’s all we are. And this is something that you shouldn’t talk about with me. Talk about it with your girlfriend, if you have to, or talk about it with your gay brother, or even bloody Simon Crimshaw when he gets back. But not with me, because you kissed me and I kissed you back and eventually the talking about it will turn into something else. So, this is how we stay friends, yeah?”

Eventually James nodded and Fabian slipped out through the door and disappeared into the misty twilight outside. James sat down on the bench, still with that anxious disappointed feeling inside, but now mixed with something a lot like the nervous excitement he felt before every Quidditch match. Because he was fairly sure that Fabian had just admitted, in a roundabout way, that he found James attractive.

Unfortunately he couldn’t dismiss the fact that Fabian had made it clear that the kiss James couldn’t forget wouldn’t be repeated… and the idea that the possibility had been in the back of his mind when he still hadn’t resolved things with Jane caused James to have a thoroughly uncomfortable and sleepless night.

* * *

By Saturday he could tell that Jane was fed up with him, as she abandoned him to go to Hogsmeade with her girlfriends without telling him, and he knew that the confrontation would come soon. Not even the fact that Al and Scorpius had obviously finally gotten their act together and seemed to now be dating could distract him or improve his mood. Their plan had worked but James found he couldn’t care less.

He woke on Sunday morning and he knew that today would have to be the day he talked to Jane. Nothing about the way he was feeling about their relationship was going to change, and with the extra… problem… he now had, he knew he just couldn’t put it off any longer. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

So, of course, he spent the morning hiding in the library, trying to think through what he was going to say to her. Jane sat at the Hufflepuff table for lunch and he couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed. He went to the common room afterwards but she wasn’t there, so he sat down and waited, with butterflies performing perfect spiral dives in his stomach. He had no idea where Fabian was but, for once, he was glad that he wasn’t nearby.

He was lost in a haze of boredom and trying not to think of anything too much when he looked up and found Jane standing before him.

“Hi, James,” she said, giving him a stiff looking little smile. “Want to go for a walk?”

He stood up quickly. “Yeah,” he agreed. “I was waiting for you actually.”

“I thought you might be,” Jane replied, as they went through the tower door. “It’s time for it, isn’t it?”

Neither of them spoke again until they got to the path leading towards the Quidditch pitch. Then, near the big oak tree, Jane stopped walking and looked at him.

“So, what’s the story?” she asked.

James couldn’t read her expression and the butterflies in his stomach suddenly seemed to multiply by about ten thousand. But she didn’t wait for him to answer.

“I know, you’ve been avoiding me,” she said. “And to be completely honest, I’ve been avoiding you too. I think… well, that’s not right, is it? We shouldn’t be avoiding each other. We should want to be with each other.”

The jittering in James’ stomach eased somewhat and relief started to take its place. He had a feeling that she might just be on the same page that he was.

“No,” he agreed, softly. “It shouldn’t be like this. We seem to be going in different directions.”

Jane nodded and her eyes started to fill with tears. She wiped them away quickly before James could really react.

“And neither of us seems to want to work it out,” she said. “I like you a lot, James, but I’ve been thinking that once we leave Hogwarts we should go our separate ways. But now I think maybe we should stop wasting our time and call it off now.”

“Yeah,” James agreed.

Something sparked in Jane’s eyes. “Well, you sound relieved,” she said, tightness creeping into her voice. “I thought you might at least be a little sad about it.”

“I was,” James said quickly, alarm bells ringing. “I mean, I am. I’m really sorry, Jane, I’ve just had a lot of … other stuff… on my mind, lately. But I knew we should talk today and-”

“You mean, you knew we should break up today,” Jane snapped, and he really hoped her sudden spurt of anger would be over soon. It usually was, and all he could really do was be honest and hope for the best.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said. “If you hadn’t brought it up, I would have. I know I should have talked to you earlier. It wasn’t fair on you and I’m sorry, but I really did have a lot of thinking to do.”

Jane gave a sigh that sounded fretful. “I know, I know,” she said. “I guess I’m still a bit more emotional about this than you obviously are. It makes me wonder though… what exactly have you been thinking about?”

Later James would realise that sometimes being completely honest and open wasn’t always the best answer, or sometimes the timing wasn’t right… and he’d kick himself. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Jane and he’d hoped that they’d be able to remain friends the way he and Kirsty had.

Unfortunately, after a week of mulling and stewing over the sudden revelation he’d had about his sexuality, he hadn’t thought about being careful or diplomatic when he’d answered her. It was one of the more stupid things he’d done in his life.

“I’ve been confused,” he said, thoughtfully, not even really paying that much attention to Jane’s reaction. “I did something I really shouldn’t have, but it made me really question myself. I think I’m bisexual.”

“I… I beg your pardon?” Jane sounded stunned and James shrugged.

“Yeah,” he said. “It took me by surprise, I can tell you. And then the surprise sort of surprised me even more because I really thought that by this age, I’d have sorted all that out, you know? But then, I’d never really thought about it before, I guess, because I’d always had a girlfriend-“

“James,” Jane interrupted, and James realised, with dawning horror, that she was now furious. “I don’t give a flying fuck about whether you have girlfriends or boyfriends. You said you did something you shouldn’t have. Did you cheat on me?”

And James started to panic in a way that he usually didn’t and that seemed to result in a lot of babbling.

“No,” he, well, babbled. “No… I mean… it wasn’t… I was drunk… a kiss but nothing really happened. It was all stupid really… my fault… and stupid…”

“Who?” Jane hissed, as if he hadn’t spoken at all. Her eyes narrowed. “Fabian?”

“Stupid,” James repeated, and why on Merlin’s sparkly hat couldn’t he think of any other words? Also, Fabian was going to kill him.

“That bastard,” Jane yelled, and James winced. “He can’t be trusted.”

And that shook him out of the fugue he was in, because it just wasn’t fair to Fabian. It had been James’ fault completely and, yet again, it seemed as if Fabian was going to take the blame for a relationship mess that he hadn’t caused. James wasn’t going to let that happen and that was what it took to clear his mind.

“No, Jane,” he said, firmly and probably too loudly, particularly as he had a feeling that someone was coming down the path. “You can’t blame him. It was my fault, I told you. I’m the one that did it.”

Jane was frozen, staring at him with a look he’d never seen in her eyes before. For a moment he thought she was either going to hex him or punch him. Tears welled in her eyes and he felt awful, just awful.

“How could you?”

James shrugged. She had every right to ask. He’d been utterly stupid but he’d have to stand by what he’d said now, and maybe in the long run it was the better thing to do for both of them. He hoped so anyway.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I just did. And I’m sorry, Jane, but I just couldn’t go on without telling you.” Perhaps she’d appreciate his honestly eventually.

“Oh right,” she snapped. “But you’re not sorry that you did it, are you? You know what? You can fuck off, James.”

She started to walk away and, in panic, James reached for her arm. She was way too angry and if she didn’t calm down before she got to the castle, who knew what she would say or do? He might find himself in the same boat that Albus had with Simon, and Fabian would find himself in the middle of yet another relationship scandal. The thought sobered him, because he suddenly realised that he was far more concerned about the consequences for Fabian, than he was for either Jane or himself.

He let his hand drop when she wrenched her arm away.

“Jane, please, we can talk about this. Please don’t-“ He had no idea what he was really going to ask of her but thankfully she interrupted anyway.

“We don’t have anything to talk about. And if you’re worried that I’ll tell anyone, don’t be. I couldn’t stand the added humiliation, you _arse_.”

A moment later she was gone and James stood, very still, for a moment before turning to see his brother standing further up the path. He’d had a feeling someone had been nearby and he had to admit he was relieved to find it was someone he could trust.

He rolled his eyes as Albus walked towards him, concern clear on his face.

“Um… sorry,” Albus said. “I just kind of froze.”

“Doesn’t matter,” James muttered, wondering just how much Albus had seen. Had he heard James’ awkward confession about his sexuality, or just the utter disaster that had followed?

“Are you all right?” Albus asked, and James rolled his eyes again.

“What do you think?” he replied, his embarrassment starting to rise. He had to find a way to deflect Albus from guessing at what an idiot he’d been. “You just witnessed my girlfriend breaking up with me.”

“Yeah,” Albus said in a soft voice. “It seems sort of sudden. The other day you were saying that you were happy. What happened?” A stab of anger and remorse went through James at the question and he took it out on Albus by glaring at him.

“I mean, do you want to talk about it?” Albus offered, hastily.

“No,” James snapped.

Albus looked affronted and James felt guilty, yet again. Besides, maybe Fabian was right and Albus was the right person to talk to, but with the way it all felt so raw inside him, James knew that this wasn’t the right moment.

“Sorry, Al,” he said. “Not yet. I’m… confused at the moment. And guilty. The truth is things had sort of got… um… boring I suppose, with Jane, but I still shouldn’t have… I mean, she had every right to break up with me.” He sighed. “She has every right to be angry with me. I’ve completely fucked up everything.”

_'And wasn’t that the truth?,'_ he thought.

Albus frowned, and then to James’ surprise, he laid a hand on James’ arm.

“Is there anything I can do?”

Something tightened in James’ chest. He knew that Albus had been kind of angry with him about the plan that he and Fabian had hatched up for Albus and Scorpius, and it meant a lot that Al would let that go so quickly when he saw that James’ was in trouble. He could always count on Albus no matter what happened, he knew that, and he suddenly felt absurdly grateful for it.

“No,” he said thoughtfully. “Maybe… maybe we can talk later. But not yet. I’m not ready yet.”

“Okay.” Albus nodded.

James gave him a smile that felt too tight on his face, turned on his heel, and headed for the castle. He didn’t know who he was dreading seeing first… Jane or Fabian.


End file.
